I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
i think my cat just said my name.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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