everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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