a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
