My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
