Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
