They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize