you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
