We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
