I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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