so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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