Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
