I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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