Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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