We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
