that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
