i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm just crazy horny about you
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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