Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
