we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
