we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
