At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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