I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
