Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
