so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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