When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
