were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
