Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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