I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
