last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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