dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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