Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
