areolas are like halos for boobs.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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