I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
