i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
