i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
