I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
