talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
