oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
