I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
