this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
