I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
