I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
