I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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