Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
