I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
