can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
