If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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