everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
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