If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
