Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
