FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
