but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
