I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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