we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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