I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
We named our party play list daddy issues
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
