hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
