Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
